


Coping at a Cost

by Anna_Marie



Series: Keith's Adventures with Insomnia [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Feels, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Friendship, Help, Helping, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Insomniac Keith (Voltron), Light Angst, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Psychology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:47:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24517138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anna_Marie/pseuds/Anna_Marie
Summary: Keith has insomnia. One night while trying to tire himself out, he discovers a secret of his fellow Paladin Hunk. Keith tries to help, but is way in over his head. Will he be able to help? Will Hunk want Keith to help?Please read the tags and the note beforehand.
Relationships: Hunk/Keith (Voltron)
Series: Keith's Adventures with Insomnia [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1235507
Kudos: 25





	Coping at a Cost

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction deals with Eating disorders, body dysmorphia (kind of), and has descriptions of methods used to lose weight. There are also themes of fatphobia. Please read at your own discretion and if this triggers you please do not read.  
> If you have an eating disorder please consider getting help. You are loved and your struggles are valid.  
> Ways to help those with eating disorders are touched on, but please note that Keith is not perfect. He (nor I as a writer) are perfect or trained in helping people with eating disorders. Consulting with the loved one/individual on care plans is best.

The group waited patiently as Hunk brought out their supper. This meal was extra special due to the ingredients in it. They had been on a planet galaxies far away from Earth but very similar in foliage and biology. Everyone was feeling uplifted from the familiarity of this planet; Hunk had found out from the aliens habiting the not-Earth that the food and spices and fluids were the closest to Earth food. They traded with the aliens; Coran and Allura gave them a large quantity of space-money for the familiar food because they knew the team needed something uplifting. They could enjoy the food too, apparently. The “fridge” was almost at capacity. The cabinets were full. Hunk was in absolute bliss with what he had to work with.

This day in particular, Hunk was feeling good. Keith observed throughout their time as Paladins that Hunk was the type to show his emotions on his sleeve. Keith didn’t have a hard time figuring Hunk out because of this, and was glad. He already was trying to figure out Lance (that perky and seductive attitude HAD to be hiding something). Allura and Coran seemed to be similar, as honesty was a valued trait for Alteans. Pidge was easy to read. After telling the group about their past with the Garrison and finding their brother, Pidge had been doing well. Shiro confided in Keith. 

They were all seated around the table and were downtrodden. The Galra had escaped their grasp. While this was not necessarily a huge loss, the team had been in a bad mood. Hunk was obviously trying to lift people’s spirits up. 

That morning, he went around and asked everyone what their top three favorite Earth dishes were. He did not say exactly what he was up to but the group realized later why. As they sat and watched Hunk give everyone various dishes, they all looked at him, puzzled. Hunk finished giving Allura and Coran their dishes (the Alteans just told Hunk to make whatever for them as they would love to experience the Human Food) before explaining.

“Now, what you have before you may look alien. But I assure you, I made sure that the dishes taste like your favorite food.”

“So THAT’S why you asked me what my favorite food was earlier!” Lance exclaimed.

“Hope you like it… I know the texture and look is different, but the taste is there!”

With that, everyone began eating. Keith immediately tasted it as he spooned the cake-like concoction into his mouth. Keith couldn’t help but release a small moan as his tongue explored the flavor. Keith zoned out the table conversation and enjoyed his meal. When Hunk had asked Keith earlier, he thought about it really hard. In space, they didn’t really have anything similar to Earth food. He thought about how much he loved food. The one food that Keith loved the most was bread. Most people would laugh at this, but Keith LOVED bread. He loved garlic bread, cheesy bread, spicy bread. He liked how versatile bread was. Bread could become anything. There are many types of bread, filled with potential for taste and texture. Oh Bob, did Keith miss the texture of bread. Literally nowhere else in the universe had anything comparable to bread. Keith’s mouth exploded with the first bite and he was in pure bliss. Not only was the texture of the cake-like dish similar, but Hunk had somehow made the dish taste like garlic bread. Keith took long bites of this, allowing the chatter and noise of the room slip away. He revelled in the garlic and cheese in his mouth. A few bites in, the taste changed. It shifted to a multi-grain-esque taste and texture somehow. To top it all off, there were also pockets of a paste that, upon consumption, Keith realized was mimicking peanut butter. Keith felt a tear form in his eye and blinked it away, hoping no one saw his eye watering over his food. Keith kept savoring the taste. He was deeply into the third bread; it was cinnamon sugar toasted. Yet somehow the same cake-like substance. Keith’s mind was blown. He sunk into his chair once finished.

He did not realize he had been staring at one spot until Shiro saying his name snapped him out of his head.

“Earth to Keith?” Shiro chuckled. Keith’s eyes snapped over to meet Shiro’s.

“Sorry, got lost in thought,” Keith said, sitting up with perfect posture again. Shiro chuckled again.

“Did you want to go train after we are done digesting?”

Keith agreed. He took his dish, cleaned it, and then went to his room.

Keith returned to his room for the night, drenched but pleased. He and Shiro trained for hours, in tactics and physical skills. He felt exhausted. His muscles were loose and he could tell that pain meds would have to be consumed the following day. He took a long shower. The water helped soothe his body and Keith revelled in the feeling of the water washing away the grossness on his body. He got out, dried off his body, wrapped up his hair in a towel (yes, he technically had short hair but towel drying was easiest), and changed into his pajamas.

Unfortunately, Keith knew what awaited him. For years Keith had been dealing with insomnia. He was diagnosed at the Garrison, and given medication by the psychiatrist there, but the meds impacted his performance so he stopped taking them. Not the healthiest decision, he knew, but now that he was in space and the stakes were higher, it had gotten worse and Keith wished for those meds. Shiro did not know, nor did any of the other crew members. And Keith did not want to draw attention to himself. He did not want them to worry about him. He was doing just fine. His biggest problem was that he was running out of things to do. He had read all of the books in English that were on the database of the Castle. Even the ones that peaked no interest in him, he read because it was better than nothing. He had tried training but his body kept giving out or tiring too soon. Keith tried figuring out the meds inside of the medical bay, but the labels were all in Altean and he could not read it. That was his new mission and interest. Learning Altean. 

When Keith returned to his room with the appropriate tablet to help in his quest, most of the crew were asleep. He sat in bed with the tablet. Currently he was working on common objects; chair, table, room, bed. With the program on the pad, it had games he could play, changing the content depending on the unit. He started with a game that showed him pictures of things in a column on one side, and the altean words on the other. He had to drag over the word to the object it matched with. Keith sat there until he felt tired, put the tablet away, and tried to go to sleep. Like usual. About 20 minutes later, feeling more awake than earlier, he got the tablet out again and continued playing. Keith figured he could eventually tire his brain out enough to sleep. It hadn’t worked yet, but the 50th time’s the charm, right? 

Typically Keith stayed in his room for the entire night. Having a bathroom attached to his room was something Keith appreciated about the castle. It meant he could go to the bathroom, or have a bath at any point in the night to try and relax, whenever he wanted. His fellow paladins had a similar set up. The only time Keith would leave in the night would be to explore or to get food. Of course, he wouldn’t take much, as that would be too noticeable. Hunk would surely notice if there was too much food missing. Keith had food goo typically, since it was less obvious. In order to get to the kitchen, Keith had to sneak past everyone’s rooms.

After playing a few games, getting frustrated by how much he didn’t know, he decided to take a break and grab a snack. It was about 2AM, according to their fake Earth days that the Alteans had set up in the Castle. Everyone in the Castle should be asleep. Apparently Alteans only need about 5-6 hours of sleep. Coran and Allura went to bed at 1AM typically and woke up early to check on the Castle’s systems. Even then, Keith had to be careful with his noise level. One bad night of sleep could result in Coran and Allura finding out about his insomnia.

Keith snuck past the rooms with ease. Lance and Shiro both played music while they slept, so Pidge and Hunk were the only ones he had to really worry about. Keith grabbed a plate and turned on the food goo machine. Hunk had recently added flavoring in the machine as options. They were eating this for a while, they might as well spice it up. Keith finished quickly, washed the plate, returned it, and returned to his room to play some more games. However, as he was passing the corridor of bedrooms, he heard something odd. Normally odd noises came from all over the ship, but he was used to that. Keith heard, what sounded like, someone getting sick. He listened some more, just in case he was just hearing a weird song from Lance or Shiro’s room.

Nope. Definitely someone throwing up. And it was coming from Hunk’s room.

Keith knew he had two options. First, he could ignore it. Hunk was probably just sick from flying and space. He got sick a lot and his gag reflex was easily triggered. He was probably fine. Or, Keith could check it out. Which, he honestly did not want to do. He tried reassuring himself that Hunk was fine. But the sounds coming from the room were not good. Keith took a breath and crept into Hunk’s room. His fellow paladin wasn’t in the room. He heard the noises come from the bathroom and the door was open. Keith tiptoed into the connected room.

Hunk was in his pajamas. Yellow, like his lion. He was sitting on the floor with his head over the toilet bowl. There were several tiny empty vials on the sink, a full one on the ground, and an empty one in Hunk’s hand. It smelled of bile.

“Hunk?” Keith softly asked, confused. The man in question turned, expression like a deer in the headlights. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah!” Keith could hear Hunk’s attempt at cheerfulness, but he was betrayed by his own voice. It quivered from strain. Keith raised a questioning brow at him, crossing his arm and leaning on the bathroom door frame.

“I’ve been getting sick at night from the food goo. I think it is the strain of the chemicals used. The, uh, bottles are to help my stomach.” Hunk explained but Keith heard a hint of uncertainty in Hunk’s voice.

“Okay,” Keith eventually said after looking between Hunk, the empty bottles, and the sink. “The goo hasn’t really bothered me.”

“Why are you up so late?” Hunk questioned. Keith told him he had to go to the bathroom when he heard Hunk’s noises. Keith started picking up the various bottles; Hunk questioned him and Keith replied that he was helping to clean up. Hunk told him to leave two, so he could replenish his supply. Keith nodded simply and left. He disposed of the bottles; all except one. Keith stowed away back to his room. He put the empty vial in his bedside table’s drawer. He tried sleeping, eventually fading off despite the wrong feeling nagging at him.

The following two nights, Keith went on walks during his insomnia time. Mostly to check on Hunk without him knowing. Both nights, he heard Hunk throwing up. On the third night, Keith did not hear him and was relieved. He went to the kitchen to grab some water. He was feeling energized this particular night and decided to try training again. He wanted to practice his swordman skills. He needed to let out this energy. Keith decided to wait until 1:30AM before heading for the training room. Keith sighed upon realizing it was only 11:30. He sat in bed and did his Altean word learning games. He did not dare to try the talking version; it wasn’t necessarily needed, and his voice might alert Lance, his neighbor, of his lack-of-sleeping-ability. He did the matching program, then a typing one. Time flew, so much so that when he looked at the clock, it was 1AM. The device he was using had a function where he could scan a word and it would show him the English equivalent. Keith thought of Hunk and the bottles he had in the bathroom. Keith stored the one he took in his bedside table drawer. He retrieved it, curious if medication was also something the device could translate. The device could not directly translate, but it did say what the word was similar to. 

A drug found on Earth that induced vomiting. Not one that was over-the-counter. If Hunk had tried getting this on Earth he would have needed a prescription. Keith snuck to the medical bay, found the bottles of the medicine. He also found just how many options for medicine they had on the castle ship. Apparently, Coran and Allura had a cabinet full of the stuff Hunk was using. But why would he use it? Obviously Coran and Allura didn’t know how it worked on humans. For procedures and treatments they had to do on the team, Coran and Allura were smart enough that they could figure out what to do and how medicine can impact humans. Typically this was done in-the-moment or as-necessary. This medicine, however, was not used. Coran and Allura strictly documented side effects and responses to medicine, managing them with the cryopods. Sometimes healing took a mix of cryopods and medicine.

Keith recalled Hunk’s answer from the night he spoke with him. It was vague. Not that it was a bad thing, but Hunk is usually way more talkative. Sometimes going into more explanation or rambling than needed. But last night he was not himself. A part of Keith wanted to brush it off to him being sick; another nagged at him, as it did the other night. Something in Keith was suspicious. 

To get his mind off of the matter, Keith decided to go do some training, as he had originally planned. He trained when he needed to let off steam, calm down, or refocus on himself. He liked the active components better than the emotional or mental components. Partially because the active ones could be done solo. He was feeling energized and had to let some of it out. While training at night exhausted him, he figured that the energy level he was at should sustain him. He wanted to try and bring himself down. Maybe his body would sleep then. Keith brought the tablet to the training deck to play music or a podcast. Keith was not expecting what he saw when he entered.

The doors opened with a swoosh. Hunk was too focused on exercising to notice or hear the noise. Keith was stunned, frozen in the doorway. He stood there, speechless. Why was Hunk training this late? He was doing sit ups when Keith entered. It wasn’t until Hunk stretched and moved that the Yellow Paladin saw the Red one. 

“Ah!” Hunk exclaimed.

“What are you doing?” They both exclaimed in unison.

“I am training. Couldn’t sleep,” Hunk hesitantly said. He looked Keith up and down. “You?”

“Same…” Keith defensively said, truthfully. Hunk eyed him up and down.

“Any particular reason?” Hunk asked. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” Keith huffed. Keith looked around the room, his eyes wandering. He saw a scale not too far from Hunk. A bottle of water. A towel. Keith’s mind was itching; he almost had it figured out but something was blocking him. Hunk trained with the group typically. He didn’t show any interest in improving on his own. Lance, both as a flirtation and a desire to improve, got Keith to give him private lessons. Shiro helped Pidge. Allura and Coran didn’t need it. And when Keith or Shiro wanted help, they asked each other. Hunk was fine after the designated training sessions.

This, along with what Keith saw the other night, was tugging his brain. SOMETHING was wrong. He couldn’t connect the dots exactly. But he knew they were connected somehow.

“Want to spar?” Keith asked, lightening his tone. Hunk relaxed a little and agreed.

They started with hand-to-hand combat, using cushion pads so as to not actually hurt one another. Keith had fought and sparred with Hunk before in training. This time was nothing like when he was with the team. He was sloppy. He wasn’t thinking clearly, and it was obvious. His attacks were predictable and Hunk was not putting his normal strength in it. By the fourth round, by which Keith had won three, Hunk looked bad. While he had been working out before Keith came in, he didn’t last as long as usual. Something was definitely up.

They stopped for a water break. Keith decided this was the time to possibly bring it up. How he was going to go about this, he wasn’t sure.

“Critiques time,” Keith blurted out. He mentally smacked himself. Hunk nodded, looking as if he knew what was coming and was waiting for the hit.

“Firstly,” Keith started, “Be truthful.”

Hunk looked at him, taken back by what Keith said.

“Wha-?”

“I may not be great at like… people stuff… but I know something is wrong. Something is going on. Between the weird vials that cause you to get sick, to being up late and working out.”

Hunk was looking at his shoes and avoiding eye contact. Twiddling his thumbs. Keith had his arms crossed on his chest and was leaning forward. He realized his intimidating stance and tried to relax a little. Keith waited patiently, hoping the silence would cause Hunk to talk.

“You…” Hunk’s voice cracked. There was an anger there; the way his voice vibrated on that single word. Or perhaps it was frustration? Shame?

“What are you doing up, huh?! You are awake at weird hours too. Come in here accusing me of things that you don’t even have answers for!” Hunk was trembling now. Aggravated. Not himself. He was still not giving Keith eye contact. Instead his eyes were closed as if holding back.

“I have insomnia. My brain literally can’t sleep.”

Hunk wiped his face with a towel. As he did so, he sat down, face covered with the towel. It took a second for Keith to realize Hunk was sobbing. Keith gestured as if to go in and hug Hunk, but he was unsure of Hunk’s comfort level as well as his own. He eventually decided on sidling up beside him. Keith placed his hand on Hunk’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb along the other man’s shoulder in what he HOPED was comforting and not just… weird or uncomfortable. Hunk’s sobs grew worse at the touch. Keith didn’t know what to say or do. Should he try to get others involved? It was late. But Keith’s forte wasn’t comforting people. He should have told Shiro or Lance or even Pidge. They were much better at this, and at least Lance and Pidge knew Hunk well enough to possibly know how to do this. They were asleep. And Keith was here, not them. He was afraid to leave Hunk like this.

“I’m sorry…” Hunk finally said through his sobs.

“About?” Keith deadpanned.

“I’ve not been feeling…. Great lately…” Hunk admitted. He took the towel away from his face and wiped his face with his hands. He continued staring at the floor.

“Can you expand on that? You’re going to have to spell it out for me.”

Hunk sighed.

“I…. um… well…” He kept opening and closing his hands like he was trying to grasp something. Probably words. “I have been feeling bad about myself since doing the Voltron Show… I feel like everyone just sees me as the food-loving fat guy. That my only talent is food related. While I think I am a part of Voltron, I don’t think I belong. You, Shiro, and Lance are all buff and no fat. Pidge is tiny and skinny. And I’m… I am just the big one. I didn’t have a problem with it before coming to space, but being in the spotlight, being a part of Voltron, has me stressed. I don’t want to give up food or anything, but I have been taking that medicine so that I can eat but not get the calorie intake. If I can get my weight down, maybe I can feel more comfortable?”

It broke Keith’s heart. Hunk - kind, caring, lovely Hunk - thought he wasn’t beautiful. At least, the stresses of space and being on Voltron led him to start thinking this way.

“I’ve also been missing my family a lot and there is so much out here that we can’t control. I can’t control when we will be attacked next, or if certain food is going to be available for us to eat. I currently don’t have control of the training schedule, or when we are supposed to be awake. So I have resorted to, well, this.” Hunk vaguely gestured to the room. “I can control when I work out and what I do in my spare time.”

“Just to make sure I understand,” Keith softly said, “You have been trying to lose weight because you want to look like the rest of the guys, and because life has been vastly out of your control lately? That controlling your food intake, or trying to control your weight, is how you are coping with the lack of control in your life?”

Hunk nodded. He even smiled a bit, a sad smile.

“Yeah… that pretty much sums it up.”

Keith was baffled. Knowing what he did now, everything he had witnessed fell into place. The next step was… how could he help Hunk? He wasn’t exactly a psychologist. Hell, he barely understood his own feelings and how to help himself, how could he help Hunk?

“Does anyone else know about this?” Keith asked. Maybe he could bounce ideas off of someone else if they knew.

“No… the others have been commenting on my body though. Telling me that I look better.”

That wasn’t good, Keith could understand that much. Being praised for hiding unhealthy coping mechanisms.

“They said I looked more muscular, so I must be doing something right. It’s going to take time to lose enough weight, but my current goal is-”

“Stop!” Keith exclaimed. He couldn’t think about helping Hunk and processing what Hunk’s thought processes were. “Hunk, you need to eat. You are not ugly. You are fat but that’s not a bad thing. I know things are hectic right now and seem out of your control, but those thoughts are not healthy.”

Hunk glanced at Keith but quickly looked away when he saw Keith was already staring at him.

“But I am still eating. Well, at least when we are forced to eat together. I can keep up with everyone during the day.”

“Those thoughts are not healthy though Hunk. I don’t know what it’s called, but you have an unhealthy relationship with food. Yeah, you may be eating, but you aren’t letting yourself actually take in the food. It’s supposed to power your body.” Keith tried explaining. He had no clue how to help.

“I am able to keep up with the rest of the team. I am not at a dangerously low weight yet and no one else knows about me taking the medication to throw up the food. If I was Lance or Pidge, you could be worried, but I am not,” Hunk said, he was approaching angry now. Keith let go of Hunk’s shoulder and stood up.

“Hunk. You are putting yourself, and possibly others in danger. You can’t think healthy when your food intake isn’t good, and your relationship with food is unhealthy, which does not help the thinking.”

Hunk shot up and aggressively stared at Keith. If looks could kill, Keith would be dead eight times over.

“You don’t understand Keith! It’s none of your business anyway.” Hunk stormed past Keith, picked up his belongings. “Get some rest, Keith. I won’t tell Coran or anyone about your insomnia and you don’t tell them about my habits.”

Without waiting for a reply, Hunk stomped out of the room, leaving Keith alone. Keith, angry and upset and confused about what to do, did what he does best; train. He turned on the Castle’s robot fighting simulator and completely obliterated every last one.

“Why,” slice “does Hunk,” punch and slice, “feel so,” thunk, “goddamn,” punch, “much about,” kick, “GETTING,” double punch, “HELP!”

The robots he was fighting slumped down in a metal heap. Keith moved on to a punching bag. He punched it until he was exhausted. Wiped the sweat from his face with a towel, collapsed on the cushioned bench in the room for a break. Keith misjudged how tired he was after everything that transpired and couldn’t stop sleep overcoming him.

“Keith???” A voice called from far away. Keith tried opening his eyes but they were too heavy. His brain felt like mush.

“Come on sleepyhead, wake up,” the same voice said, sounding a bit enticing. Keith was being lightly shook by whoever was trying to rouse home.

“Come on Mullet… you’re not dead are you?” Lance’s joking voice said.

“Nooo,” Keith grumbled. Lance helped a very groggy Keith to his feet. “Were you training again and fell asleep?”

“Yeah,” Keith yawned, “something like that.”

Lance looked Keith over, taking in how out of it he was. He helped Keith put his equipment away, and dragged him to get food for breakfast. The whole team eventually showed up for the meal. Keith tried not to make it obvious he was watching Hunk; he figured no one really paid that much attention to him anyway, plus Coran was playing some weird Altean music and people were talking. He looked away whenever Hunk’s gaze drifted towards his, but seemed to get a fraction of a second where their eyes met. 

“-so you all have the day off!” Coran finished saying. Keith was too distracted by Hunk and not getting caught to listen.

“Not so fast,” Shiro followed. “I expect Princess Allura and I will be gone the full day, but everyone needs to do at least an hour of training. Robots, mind melt, etc…”

The other four paladins all groaned. They were dismissed shortly after. Keith decided to go train, since that was his favorite thing to do. He got a brief recap of the rules from Lance of their day; they weren’t allowed to leave the castle but could do whatever they wanted within the castle.

Keith set the bots in the room on group mode, meaning that the robots would attack all at once instead of waiting their turn. They came upon him all at once, all swinging their electric swords at once. Keith jumped into the air, landing on top of one. He stabbed the one he was on, landing nimbly when it disappeared. He quickly slashed into the identical one next to him. Unfortunately, that left him vulnerable to the one behind him, and it got him on the back. They didn’t actually cut or kill, but it did hurt. Keith arched his arm and stabbed the robot that got him, going on the defense. There were 4 bots left. He ran to the weapons rack, grabbed three knives, whipped back around. His eyes finding their weak spot instantly. His knives sinking soon after. The bots sputtered before disappearing, the knives clattering as they hit the floor. Keith retrieved them and put them back. As he placed them on the rack of weapons, the door to the training deck opened and closed. Keith spun around and found Hunk standing in the room with him. Hunk was tapping his two pointer fingers together, eyes examining the room.

“Hi,” Keith awkwardly greeted.

“Hey Keith… I have a question for you.” He stuttered. Keith sat down on the bench and took a drink of water.

“I knew you would be here so I guess I just...” Hunk scratched the back of his head, Keith waited for Hunk to continue.

“Did you tell Lance anything?”

The question caught Keith off guard.

“No. Why?”

Hunk swore. He explained that after breakfast, he went to his room and Lance had asked Hunk if he was feeling okay. That he had noticed Hunk was acting differently. According to Hunk, Lance seemed like he knew more than he was letting on. Keith silently scoffed at that. 

“I haven’t told anyone. It’s not my fault if you are slipping up in hiding the fact you are sick.” Keith calmly but coldly said. Hunk didn’t deserve that though. Hunk flinched as if Keith had hit him, instead of the robot.

“Sorry, I just…” Keith sighed. “I’m not good at feelings and shit. I don’t know how to handle things. But I do know that this situation is yours to tell others. The second it becomes life threatening, whether it’s your life or the life of a civilian on a planet we are saving, I won’t hesitate.”

Hunk nodded solemnly. “I appreciate that.”

“That being said,” Keith went on, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I do think you should get help.”

Hunk looked at him with a ferocity Keith hadn’t seen in him before.

“How? If I thought I needed it - which I don’t - where would I get help?”

“Online? On the space-net? You and I both know that we can use Earth’s internet up here. Advanced technology and all.”

Hunk looked away, crossing his arms. He knew Keith was right, it said so on his scrunched up face.

“Or you can read books about how to deal with this. Whatever this is, eating disorder or not-”

“It’s not a disorder. I’m fine. I have a far way to go before I’m in danger.”

Keith approached him, lowering his voice.

“You are already in danger. You think these ideas and behaviors are going to go away just because you reach your goal?!”

“They will. What do YOU know, Keith?”

“I know some addictions are too hard to quit. It isn’t until someone comes and forces you to stave off of it that you get free.”

“You speak as if from experience. But this is different.”

Keith left the conversation by leaving the room. Before he exited the room, he told Hunk that he didn’t know Keith and it wasn’t different. 

Keith grabbed a tablet on his way back to his room. He went to his room to collapse on his bed. Since they had the day off, and he already did his training, he decided to actually look up eating disorders. More specifically, how the hell to help someone with one. He wasn’t necessarily looking to diagnose Hunk, just find info so he can better help him. As a friend. He was definitely not going to become a professional overnight.

On his personal device, given to them by Coran and Allura, he took notes of things that have and haven’t worked. Being blunt, something Keith was good at, definitely was not working for Hunk. Trying to force him to do stuff probably won’t help him. Hunk seemed to believe there wasn’t an issue because he was, by Western Earth beauty standards, overweight. Keith couldn’t wrap his head around why Hunk felt this way. He was a valued member of the team. Without him, there would be no Voltron. Keith was the training guy, Lance was the shooting guy, Pidge was the technology master, Shiro was their leader and tactics, and Hunk provided not only technology knowledge but also was the most supportive of the bunch. Everyone was essential to the team. Everyone provided something for the team, and could get it back too. Well, Lance WAS the best shot and no one else could compare. Not even Keith, much to his annoyance. Lance was good at supporting people but it was different. Lance was more solution-focused, whereas Hunk was more focused on emotional validation. Keith knew that, but Hunk obviously did not recognize his part in the team. Keith wrote down that storming out the way he did, definitely did not help. Keith letting his emotions and personal feelings riled up to the point they did was not helping. 

By the time Keith was done with his list, there were many things for the “not helping” column and almost nothing for the “helping” column.

God, Keith was way in over his head. But he was determined.

Keith searched up eating disorders on the internet and was horrified at some of the things he found. Half of the results were directed at parents, about helping their teen. Which could be useful for Keith. The other half either talked about eating disorders as if those who suffer from them are attention seekers, that it was just about getting thin. Keith knew that was wrong. He didn’t understand what it is like to have an eating disorder but he knew that it was not just about the weight. The internet simplified it horrifically, acting as if ‘just eating’ would help. The other half of the bad section was giving tips on how to lose weight! Keith was so outraged he threw his tablet onto the bed. 

If he was someone searching for help with his own eating disorder, that would not help the eating disorder. It would only worsen the illness. Distort the thoughts, valid the not healthy ones. Even when he searched specifically for Help with Eating Disorder, there were articles titled Help Lose Weight Fast!

Amidst the bad, he found some good. Granted it was for parents, but tips on helping someone were tips. The most recommended tip was to go see a psychologist. Unfortunately, those were lacking in space. Did other aliens have similar mental illnesses? Could he try to get Hunk to go see an alien therapist?

Keith went onto the specifically alien database. He found next to nothing. A lot of information about how different alien cultures eat, what they eat, and recipes. But nothing, from what he could tell, about eating disorders. Keith groaned, looking at the time. 5:30AM. 

Oh Shit, he thought. Keith was supposed to be waking up in 2 and a half hours. He put away his tablet and tried to sleep, eventually getting there.

Keith was dead asleep when his alarm went off. He slept through the other alarms he set. All 5 alarms, all at 5 minute intervals. Breakfast happened and Keith was still asleep. The Paladins plus Alteans sat around the table eating, their eyes all floating towards where the Red Paladin was supposed to sit. Allura was the first to acknowledge it, asking Shiro or Lance or Coran if they had seen him. They all replied that they hadn’t and so Shiro was tasked with investigating.  
Shiro heard his answer before he saw Keith passed out in his bed. Keith’s snoring could be heard from the halls. It was 9AM on their fake-days, and Keith was typically very punctual.  
Keith’s room was clean as per usual. The only chaos was where the boy was currently passed out. Shiro had witnessed Keith sleeping before; his time at the Garrison included having to wake Keith up sometimes. Keith typically curled into the fetal position. Currently, his limbs were in a thousand directions. There was a castle tablet peeking out from underneath his torso. The blankets were strewn across him in a way that suggested Keith might have fought with them in his sleep. Shiro chuckled softly.

He shook Keith lightly, using his flesh arm. Keith’s eyes blinked open groggily. It was adorable.

“Shiro? Keith hoarsely said. “What are you doing in my room?”

“You missed breakfast,” Shiro informed him.

Keith shot up, trying to compose himself.

“Shit I’m so sorry. Has training started?”

Shiro chuckled.

“No we are having our Tummy Time.”

Tummy Time is what Coran had been calling the 20 minutes between meals and exercise.  
Because the group’s stomachs had to settle. 

Keith quickly changed and went to have breakfast. On their walk there, Shiro asked Keith why he slept in. Keith didn’t sleep in often, no matter how little sleep he got. 

“I was doing research and lost track of time.” Keith said, hoping Shiro would drop the subject as they were close to the dining room. 

“Anything interesting? Must have been.”

The rest of the team was at the table when they entered. They all looked relieved.

“Mullet’s not dead!” Lance said, interrupting the silence. There was a bowl of cereal waiting for him. Keith awkwardly sat down and ate as the others just stayed there. Eventually Allura asked curiously why he was late. Keith’s eyes flashed to Hunk, only the man I question noticing.

“Reading. I lost track of time.” He said through a mouthful of cereal. 

“Well, the first training session we are doing is the maze challenge so you can sit out for your Tummy Time.” Coran said.

The maze was Pidge talking Shiro through the maze, and in a different room was Lance and Allura working on Allura’s shooting skills. Which left Hunk and Keith alone on the bench together. Hunk was up next to guide Pidge.

Hunk fidgeted next to Keith, refusing to make eye contact.

“Hey,” he finally whispered, not meeting Keith’s gaze. “Did the reading have anything to do with me?”

Keith considered lying to Hunk. But Hunk cared about Keith, he knew. Hunk was almost like a parental figure to the team. If Keith was honest, saying he was worried, maybe it would take Hunk one step towards understanding. Towards wanting help. Knowing the impact it had, knowing that Keith was worried. Keith knew it was a coping thing mixed with body image but… Hunk should address the stress and the body issues.

“I was researching how to help you. I’m not a fucking therapist but I… you are are a part of the team, Hunk. Anything happens to you and Voltron is done.”

Hunk seemed astounded that Keith would say something so bold, so blunt. He pressed his palms into his eyes.

“Wow, um… I told you already not to worry.”

“Yeah well I am worried. Your relationship with food is not healthy and as your fellow Paladin I want to help in whatever way I can. I’m not the best at emotions but I will try my best.”

Hunk groaned. “I’m okay, I have it under control.”

“I want to intervene before it gets out of control. Have you read about the physical repercussions that can come along?”

Hunk laughed in a spiteful, pessimistic way that surprised Keith.

“I’m already doing this to my body, you think that I care about the other stuff?”

Keith decided a different approach was probably best.

“Hunk, I don’t know how to get you to see this as a problem. But please… when you are feeling bad about yourself, know that you can come to me, ok? We can train together if you want. I can help you focus the training on strength, rather than weight loss.”

“Keith,” Hunk sighed “I want to lose weight and that is what I am doing. You can’t just make everything all better.”

“But I want to help. It is a problem. Complications from an eating disorder can result in dea-”  
Their conversation was interrupted by a loud clang. Both of the boy’s attention went to Pidge, who was now apologizing profusely to Shiro through the microphone. After the moment passed, Keith turned to continue but Hunk butted in.

“I know the risks but that likely won’t happen. We have the cryopods if anything bad happens.”

Keith crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re willing to risk your life for this? To risk Voltron and the war?”

Keith regretted it as soon as it left his mouth. Hunk stood up and left without another word. Keith was going to need to do some more reading and try to control his own mouth. He swore at himself internally. That was bad. After a few seconds Keith stood up and chased after him.  
Thanks to training no one else was in the hallways. Keith followed Hunk to his room.

“Go away Keith, I’m done listening to you” Hunk called behind him, to Keith.

“Yeah well I’m not done talking. And I’m sorry. Hunk it’s just… I’m in over my head with this helping thing,” Hunk’s door shut, Keith stopped at the door. “I don’t know what it is like to have an eating disorder or body dysmorphia or whatever this is. I can’t imagine how much hurting you feel and how… I don't know.. attacked? You may feel. How uncomfortable.”

The door, to Keith’s surprise, opened. Hunk pulled Keith inside. He was momentarily dazed due to not expecting it. When he refocused himself, Hunk was sitting on the bed, crying. Keith’s heart broke. This was a complete turn around from the push back Hunk had been doing. Keith had been so focused on trying to get through to Hunk that what he was doing was not good, he did not really stop to think about what would be going on inside Hunk’s head. He had been dealing with these thoughts all on his own. His illness had convinced him that it was the only way. His thoughts altered as a way to cope and distract from other things. A part of Hunk likely still was fighting against it. And here was Keith, a voice outside of Hunk’s head, telling Hunk that everything in his head was wrong.

Keith’s words were getting to Hunk, and Keith realized his impact. He had said some good things, some bad things. But he was willing to learn. Learn how to best help Hunk.

“I’m sorry I just… I’ve been dealing with this for so long… When you started talking about getting better, the thought had not crossed my mind. Half of me didn’t want to admit that I am sick because this started small and kinda snowballed into… this.”

Hunk paused, wiping his eyes. Keith wasn’t sure what to do, so he simply nodded and interlaced his fingers together. Crossing his arms - his usual go to - would likely come off as defensive and off-putting. Hunk saw Keith nodding and continued.

“I… do want help. At least, I think I do. Can you not tell the others?”

“I will only tell them if you start putting your life at risk.”

Hunk nodded in understanding, not responding to that statement.

“What would you like me to do to help you?” Keith asked. In truth, despite his research, and the hours he spent on reading things, Hunk would know how best to help Hunk. How Keith could support him. Keith had no clue himself. He had read some things, but again they did not really have many options in space. Perhaps giving Hunk the control over how Keith helped would, in and of itself, help. Hunk sat and thought for a minute.

“The only thing I can think of now is to… hold me accountable at meal times. Maybe like, if you are experiencing your insomnia episode, come check in?”

“And that is okay with you?” Keith asked.

Hunk thought for a moment. Keith did not rush him.

“Yeah. I think so.”

There was still one thing Keith was worried about. He was willing to help Hunk with this. He wanted to. And Hunk was seeing that he needed to get better. But Keith was not a psychologist. He was barely a human, honestly. He could support and help Hunk but there might be a point where he has exhausted all of his resources and abilities. He was not great with emotions and things. Clearly, from how he had treated Hunk and the things he had said to him intermixed with the helpful things. 

“I’m not always the best at helping. If it gets too much for me, can I tell someone? Because I need help with helping people sometimes. And if so, who?”

Hunk put his head in his hands and for a moment Keith thought he overstepped. But Hunk shook his head and wiped away the tears that were still persisting.

“Coran, I guess,” Hunk sighed “Since he is the ‘medic’ of the group.”

“If it comes to that, I will help him understand. At least, understand as much as I do, and as much as we can.”

“HUNK?!” Pidge’s voice came in through the communication system.

“Yeah?” Hunk replied, masking the emotions from their current conversation.

“Where are you? It’s your turn to lead me.”

“I, uh, just ran to the bathroom. I’ll be there in a second.”

Hunk looked to Keith, as if waiting for something, but when Keith did not speak, he excused himself and left.

Hunk’s head popped back in.

“Hey Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“....Thanks.”

Keith smiled softly.

“Anytime.”

With that, Hunk left.

Keith stayed in Hunk’s room for longer than necessary. He considered going through his things and getting all the bottles of that weird substance he was taking, but figured it wouldn’t help. Hunk would find more, Keith did not know what he would do with it. He wouldn’t be able to explain it to Coran or anyone without lying or telling whoever about Hunk. 

Keith left for training.

The day passed as days usually did. There were no threats on this day, at least no external enemies trying to do bad things. Keith retired to his room for the night after sparring with robots.  
He felt better about the situation. He might not be able to cure Hunk, but hopefully having someone to go to would help. Keith had a long journey of learning ahead of him, and Hunk had a journey towards recovery. Keith believed Hunk could do it. Hunk was formidable. He was caring and compassionate, and so much more than just his disorder. But his eating disorder was also a part of him, a part that had to heal.

Keith laid in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling, sleepless.


End file.
